Attachment Issues & Concerns

As we go through this period of last minute rushing to get ready to bring Molly home my mind easily drifts to the "I wonder" place where it sometimes goes. I can’t help but wonder what Molly will think of the 3 of us when we walk into the Thai Nguyen Orphanage next week. I wonder if she will be scared, if she will just sit in confusion, or if she will be open to us. I wonder what she will think of being taken away from the only home and caretakers she has ever known. At 5 months of age she has formed opinions and attachments with these people that have loved and cared for her the first several months of her young life. We know that she will go through a period of grief, loss and separation for these caretakers once we take her away from them. Children of all ages (even babies) react to the loss of their families. Adjustment to new surroundings and change affect children in different ways and adjustment periods can take a while.

We have read extensively, given it much thought, and are trying our best to understand this critical process of attachment and bonding. Our approach will be to help Molly adapt her emotions through this period with as much love and patience as we can possibly give her. This is an unknown process for us, and as scary as it is for her, it’s also frightening for us! So as you can imagine, we’re happy and anxious all rolled into one! With these “attachment issues” in the forefront of our mind, there are some things that we need to inform you of before we arrive home with Molly. Some of the things that we may do may not seem to make sense, may seem strange, or you may think we’re being a little "overprotective". We’d like to share some concerns that we have with you in hopes that you’ll understand the importance behind our behaviors and decisions that we have made regarding Molly’s first several weeks / months at home. For example, we will not allow Molly to be changed, comforted, or fed by anyone other than Howie and me for several months. Molly needs to learn that we are her primary caretakers & providers now. We will not leave her with a babysitter for a while; she may seem behind other children her age; we may NOT tell her "no" to things that we would normally tell a child "no" for. (Unless she is in danger.) These are all things that are very important during this critical attachment process.

We are making up for lost time and the skills that would have been developed if we had had her from the start! We anticipate that Molly will not be immediately comfortable with us or anything in our world. Her current environment consists of being confined by four walls & laying on a bamboo mat! Molly never rode in a car, been out of her orphanage, (let alone to the “big city of Hanoi”), never stayed in a hotel, eaten in a restaurant, flown on a plane. She’s probably not even seen many “white” people, let alone ones with blonde hair! We have waited for her for so long, have dreamed of her, have planned for her, have talked about her & shared her pictures…But she has NO idea who we are & how the world as she knows it is about to change! DRASTICALLY! As Molly’s Motherland of Vietnam will be foreign & new for Howie, Emma & I…just think about what Molly will experience. We are bringing her into a world that will be completely foreign to HER!

We will allow her time to grieve. She may cry a lot; we will try our best to comfort her. She may eat a lot; we will let her. She may want to be held all the time; We won't put her down until she's ready…and we will let her guide us with what she is comfortable with along the way. Howie & I want you to know these things because it may seem strange to you. We will support Molly as she adjusts to her new world and to her new family. When we feel she is secure with everything around her, we will gradually allow her to do "normal" toddler things.
That being said please don't think that we don't want to share her with you. We are so excited to get Molly home and have her meet all of our dear family and friends. We are anxious for Molly to become secure enough to be held by you. It is very important that you come visit us, make those silly baby googlie faces and noises at Molly…tell us how beautiful she is…touch her, kiss her…just don’t ask to hold her. We ask for your support as we help Molly recognize that she has gained a family who loves her deeply, even though she has lost an entire family to which she is biologically connected.

Thank you for understanding and for your continued support for us throughout this amazingly LONG journey. Your constant love and support has meant the world to us. We are very lucky to have such amazing friends and family! We love you!